Thirty Five

Thirty five is a tetrahedral number. Thirty five is the highest number one can count on his fingers using base 6. Thirty five is the atomic number of bromine which is widely used in water purification. Thirty five is the minimum age of candidates for election to the United States Presidency. 

Given that average life expectancy in the world is 70 years (according to World Factbook), thirty five years is your mid life!

Thirty five years is a good time for self evaluation. Being in thirties is beautiful. You are more mature and have more understanding of life. Society-imposed goals are no longer a torture as you have passed that age: exam marks, admissions, job, career, marriage, children - whether you have ticked all these society-imposed goals or missed any, you reach a state where you no longer care. Its the time when you begin to live life for yourself.

In mid thirties, many people are often struck by what they call as "thrisis". Its like a mini mid life crisis. This is direct outcome of your self evaluation. Its a time when you gradually and drastically shift your focus in life. You would see many people take extreme decisions in their thirties that mark drastic changes in their careers, relationships and spiritual/religious beliefs.

As I turn thirty five, I too put on a review coat and evaluated myself. Tried expressing my review results in the form of a poem! :)

With colourful threads of love

I began weaving the fabric of my life

I wanted to weave a beautiful design

Which would withstand any knife...

I roped the threads around all I loved

There were so many, I couldn't settle for any less!

I thought I was living a big life

But it soon became an entangled mess!

I couldn't sort the entangled mess

I couldn't cut the thread

I couldn't see any beautiful design 

And the colours all looked dead

I stepped aside to check my work

And what I saw broke my heart! 

I was half way through

And there was no way I could restart!

While I was busy weaving my life's fabric

I didn't realise how it had changed it's course

Was this how I had imagined it would be?

As all I can feel is remorse...

Is my life really an entangled mess?

Or do I fail to see its beauty? 

Is there a way to take it forward

Without feeling regret, hurt or guilty?

Should I brood or start afresh?

Should I shrug and simply jive?

Is this something that everyone feels

When they turn thirty five?!!

Atlas Shrugged

I completed reading Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged" last week. Her ideas, her philosophy and the characters in the book set my head wondering... Here goes something what I felt about this book...

Overall, Atlas Shrugged is a good read. Unlike other novels, I took a lot of time to read the book. And it was not just because it's a huge book, but because, I felt there is something to think about in every sentence in the book.

In the book, one point that Ayn Rand has tried to convey is that a man's mind is very valuable. Infact the book suggests that if people with a "great mind" go on strike, the whole world collapses!

In the book, there are 2 sections of people: people with great mind (Atlas) and people with no mind and no purpose. The people with no purpose in their life are the cause of evil. But hey, are'nt there people in this world who fall under a third category: people who desire to have a purpose in their life, but who do not possess the great brains that will tell them what their purpose is? Such people want to be good, but cannot think on their own. Such people need guidance in thinking. Such people think what they are told to think!
What happens to such people who later realise that they were under evil influence throughout? This is answered by what happened to Cheryl Taggart, Jim taggart's wife.

Unfortunately, the book doesnt answer how these "normal" people are expected to live. It made me believe that the people who are not clever will always lie at the mercy of their rulers, who can be good or bad. And since the normal people are not clever, they will not be able to choose their leaders rightly.

Another point that Ayn Rand conveyed was John Galt's declaration: "I swear - by my life and my love of it - that I will never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine." It means, you must not sacrifice yourself or your mind for others.

If I have a great mind and I can invent something that can benefit the whole world; The world has bad people, good people and the normal people. But if I feel that the world is currently under the influence of bad people, then what should I do? Since I have the great mind and the brain, I SHOULD be able to fight against the bad people, right? It is like the war between the Gods and the Devils. God has to win. But how? By destroying the whole world (the world which consisted of some poor guys who could not think) and then re-building the world again?

I feel, in such practical cases, the good guy needs to "sacrifice" something in order to gain that eternal happiness. One should not be forced to sacrifice himself - thats murder. But sometimes sacrifice gives immense pleasure. Sometimes it feels good to give away your food to someone else, to see him happy while you starve, doesnt it?

You cannot eliminate emotions from a man. You cannot seperate out reason and emotions. They are inter-linked. In the book, Dagny, Fransisco, Hank and John Galt too were shown to have emotions. Dagny decided to join the strike very late - after she "felt" anger due to what was being done to John. Her decision was coupled with emotions and it was not just reason. The book itself was contradicting it philosophy...

At the end of the book, what I felt was, Wesley Mouch and his lot tried to murder a man's mind. And Johh Galt and others killed the whole world by deciding not to use their minds!

And even after reading the book what I felt was, the book was "good in theory", but practically this is not possible. If one has the great brains, then he should use them and help those who cannot think. And I was talking just like those mentioned as "evils" in the book!! :)

I did not agree with Ayn rand's philosophy in the book. And yet, I liked the book!!

What I took from the book was: A country depends largely on its leaders. And most of the leaders do not have those great minds. But they know politics. They have their selfish ideas, which result into doom. Our country is in such a devastating situation. And we need some good theory and some great minds who can come up & get our country into good hands!

Circle Vs Line

In "Atlas Shrugged", Ayn Rand said, "A man's life should not be a circle. It should be a straight line". And this sentence triggered some thoughts in my mind...

A circle defines a boundary. A straight line represents an arrow, it points to your goal.

Life like a circle means a secure life. You have made both ends meet and now you are living a happy life. No more struggles. Things beyond this circle are not known, and hence not disturbing. Your life is confined to the boundaries of the circle. You keep traveling round and round on the circle. You live a life called as "regular".

Life like a straight line means progression. You are constantly fighting to move ahead. Every new step is an adventure. Life for you is not just about making ends meet. It is much more. You keep setting new targets for yourself and you keep moving along a new path.

Living life in a straight line is like living with the time. You move ahead with time. Things of the past are left behind. Time also always moves ahead in a straight line.

Living life in a circle means living a closed life. Bound with some rules and regulations. People who live life in a circle are more traditional, more conservative.

If you look around, most of the people live life in a circle. It takes a lot of guts to live life in a straight line. And this is a mark of a great man.

Basic Needs

I have seen people whose life revolves around the basic needs of life. Their aim is to eat healthy food, exercise daily, sleep well and then every morning "download" the food properly! To stay healthy, fit and fine, they will set up the most ideal routine & achieve perfection in it. When they grow old, they will feel proud that they are very healthy and suffer from no illness. They have enough stamina and are content that they have lived a perfect life.

But my view differs on this point. Its good to eat healthy food daily & keep yourself fit and fine. But to keep your body in such a perfect state, you sacrifice a lot in life. To keep your health perfect, you do not travel different places, as that alters your routine for a few days. You dont taste different foods: as you are always skeptic about the quality, hygiene and nutritive contents. You need to sacrifice on your other hobbies, as they may come in the way of your perfect healthy routine. To achieve some out-of-the-ordinary things in life, you need to put in a lot of effort, which comes at the cost of your health: eg - to get good marks, one may have to study for hours, affecting his food timings & sleep timings. To be good at office, especially a software life, again you are living a "non-ideal healthy" life. You do not venture out to do the unexplored, lest it may affect your health!

I believe in the following lines:
"Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, Champagne in one hand, strawberries in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out & screaming 'WOO HOO - What a ride!' "

Life is not about sitting at home, doing only the basic needs to survive. It helps you maintain your body well, but hey - what have you actually achieved in life? What was your life worth? Look at life beyond the basic needs of the body. One has to die one day anyways... Isnt it important to live a "complete" life, even if it is short? What is the use of a life which has an intact splendid body, but nothing else - nothing else at all? Sometimes to build a perfect soul, one sacrifices his health. Isnt it more important to build a perfect soul than a perfect body?

Ego

Broadly cloassified, there are 2 types of egos. Ayn Rand, in her 2 books has described 2 such "egoist" personalities.

Howard Roark in "The Fountainhead":
The book's title is a reference to Ayn Rand's statement that "man's ego is the fountainhead of human progress". In the book, Howard Roark is an architect who prefers to struggle in obscurity rather than compromise his artistic and personal vision by pandering to the prevailing taste in building design. Howard Roark lives for himself and his own creativity, indifferent to the opinions of others. Thus, the character depicts ego which built in the positive direction. Here, Ayn Rand conveys that - the ego is supreme, and individualism and selfishness are virtues to be treasured.

James Taggart in "Atlas Shrugged":
In contrast to Howard Roark, James Taggart is not the hero in this this book, nor does he have any individualism. He has no ideas of his own. He is the President of Taggart Transcontinental - a leading railroad company. He is an expert influence peddler who is incapable of making decisions on his own. And he relies on his sister Dagny Taggart to actually run the railroad, but nonetheless opposes her in almost every endeavor. With his character, his egoist attitude comes to the front. He is incapable, but not willing to accept it. His remarks to Dagny, who saves him from all his incorrect decisions are really idiotic. Had James been clever but incapable, he would have let Dagny do all the work for him without opposing her; and things would have been better for himself. He is a person who would ruin himself, to save his ego.

There are many people like James Taggart around us. But to be Howard Roark, it very difficult!

A Right Decision

What is a "correct decision"? What is a "wrong decision"? Who has defined these terms?

I believe that the idea of being correct and being wrong varies drastically from person to person, from family to family, from one society to another, varies across religions, across countries.

Then how would you define what is a right decision and a wrong decision? What is your "right" way to take "right" decisions during challenging situations? Do you follows the rules of the society? Do you follow your instincts?

Have you ever wondered over the statement you read in history, "...and Buddha achieved enlightenment..." What enlightenment was this? Way back during those times, there was the need for people to stay in harmony with each other. They had to form a society which has certains principles and rules. All the leaders of each religion came up with norms and thoughts, which they spread across the people. They taught people how to distinguish between right and wrong. They had to teach people that "telling lies is incorrect", that "if you steal other's share you should be punished".

But the world is constantly changing. Today we have new set of problems. How do we tackle these issues? Do we always find definite answers to certain problems?

Have you ever thought about what you really want in life? Does it comply with the norms of the society? And what if your ideas do not match the definitions of "right" and "wrong" as defined by the society?
In such a case, you must listen to your heart and do what YOU feel is correct. As long as your intentions and your actions do not harm anyone else, or they do not clash with someone else's actions, you must follow your heart.

I believe that every person has the right to his life. As long as he is not disturbing someone else's right to life, he should proceed with his decisions...

The only constant factor in this world is CHANGE! A change is what we all desire. Dont you get bored by the same old routine? So will you, if you dont change the way your life proceeds. A change begins when you do something thats different. Listen to your heart. It will guide you and tell you how to take just the "right decision"! Break-free from the norms of the society. And follow your heart!

Feeling Lonely

What do you mean by feeling lonely?
Is it that, physically there is no one around you? There is no one to talk to, or to share some nice moments with? Or is it that, there are many people around you and yet you feel all alone?

Consider someone who has an outgoing nature. He makes a lot of friends. So when he "feels lonely", he can call just any of his friends. So logically, he will never feel lonely.
Consider someone who is an introvert. He likes to be by himself. He doesnt like being much with people. So why will he feel lonely? He will be content with himself.

And yet people talk that they feel lonely. They say loneliness haunts! Some even think about an abstract-someone and then they miss him!!

Is'nt feeling lonely all in the head? I believe, no one in this world is lonely. There is no feeling such as loneliness. What you actually get is the "missing-someone-syndrome". And because you miss someone, be it your best friend, your parents, or just anyone, you feel his empty place beside you. The situation is like- the person is in your heart, in your mind, but physically away from you. And you simply miss him.

Do you agree with me? Can I conclude: Feeling lonely is nothing but missing someone?

Expressing Emotions

I came across an article by Amita Shah, a practicing psychotherapist, which inpired me to write the essay below.

We all are filled with various emotions at any point of time. It is important that we understand these emotions and act upon them.

It is important that we express our feelings. The expression of feelings is a search for understanding. If we suppress them, then they are not acted upon, and hence it may sometimes lead to out of control blow-ups, depression or irritation.

However if we express our feelings outright, then it may hurt the receiver. If you just shout at your colleague, or get wild with your friend, or talk harshly with your elders, definitely they will be disappointed with you.

You should accept your feelings, process them and then express them. The expression of your feelings should be conscious.

If you suppress your feelings, you disconnect with the power to create what you want in life. If you dwell in your emotions, you block the power to get what you want in life. Hence you must process your emotions: Processing your emotions means you feel, manage and release them and get what you want in life.

In order to express yourself correctly, you need to understand and manage your emotions. You need to work on the following 3 "personal competencies":
1) Self-Awareness: Knowing one’s internal states, preferences, resources, and intuitions.
2) Self-Regulation: Managing one’s internal states, impulses, and resources.
3) Motivation: Emotional tendencies that guide or facilitate reaching goals.

Also, when you express your emotions, you should think about the receiver of your emotions. You need to work on "social competencies":
1) Empathy: Awareness of others’ feelings, needs, and concerns.
2) Social Skills: Adeptness at inducing desirable responses in others.

Marriage

Getting married is such a big change in one's life! I got married to Atul on 11 Jan 2006. Everyday after 11th Jan is an adventure, a fun-filled wonder to me! :)

I am experiencing a miracle for the past one month. The entire world seems to have changed its course. My heart is filled with exhileration when I remember the aura, the ecstasy, the perfectness of my wedding day. The state of numbness that day, due to an all-time high level of happiness ever attained. That stimulating time in Goa... Nothing can ever alter the thrill of this hallowed occasion!

George Bernard Shaw described marriage as the time "when two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions. They are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part."

Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love; and they blossom when we love the ones we marry. Maybe it is difficult to maintain this love all throughout our lives. Today, however, I am not able to see anything that can lessen this love. We have already had some tiffs that opened our eyes wide! But it is through such tiffs that you get to know your spouse even better. It is when you fight, that you realise the worth of your friend... The depth in the relationship grows stronger.

"The middle years of marriage are the most crucial. In the early years, spouses want each other and in late years, they need each other." -Rebecca Tilly. I totally agree with the part of wanting & needing your partner. Within a month's time, both of us have started growing used to each other. There isnt a single thing that we dont do together! This has started increasing the dependency. I am so sure that in the late years, this need for each other will grow much more. At this moment though, I am unable to imagine the middle years, which people call as challenging...

I believe that the kind of marriage you make depends upon the kind of person you are. If you are a happy, well-adjusted person, the chances are your marriage will be a happy one. If you have made adjustments so far with more satisfaction than distress, you are likely to make your marriage and family adjustments satisfactorily. If you are discontented and bitter about your lot in life, you will have to change before you can expect to live happily ever after.