Winner or Loser: Doest matter in the end!

My favorite quote

When The Great Scorer comes to write against your name,
He writes not whether you won or lost
But how you played the game.

-Grantland Rice

When Science Speaks

Yesterday I was watching a program on TV about "healthy food habits". They were telling that you must avoid meat, especially red meat. And you must eat a lot of vegetables. They also said that for "liver cleansing" you must not drink alcohol. And they gave so many other tips.

In short, they implied that one must be vegetarian and not drink alcohol. Does'nt our religion tell us the same?

Our religion only uses a different approach, it speaks in the "emotional language". Religion tells us not to kill animals, they too have the right to live and hence it says, you must be a vegetarian. But we do not listen to religion. And when science tells us the same thing, but explains in "scientific language", we are ready to accept it.

Religion also has reasoning, it has logic. But the mode to convey the thought is different. Years ago, people believed in the language of religion & followed it. Today we call it blind faith & do not follow it. Today Science is speaking the same language but with a different perspective. We believe in this language of science & follow the same path. Funny, isnt it?!

Ego

Broadly cloassified, there are 2 types of egos. Ayn Rand, in her 2 books has described 2 such "egoist" personalities.

Howard Roark in "The Fountainhead":
The book's title is a reference to Ayn Rand's statement that "man's ego is the fountainhead of human progress". In the book, Howard Roark is an architect who prefers to struggle in obscurity rather than compromise his artistic and personal vision by pandering to the prevailing taste in building design. Howard Roark lives for himself and his own creativity, indifferent to the opinions of others. Thus, the character depicts ego which built in the positive direction. Here, Ayn Rand conveys that - the ego is supreme, and individualism and selfishness are virtues to be treasured.

James Taggart in "Atlas Shrugged":
In contrast to Howard Roark, James Taggart is not the hero in this this book, nor does he have any individualism. He has no ideas of his own. He is the President of Taggart Transcontinental - a leading railroad company. He is an expert influence peddler who is incapable of making decisions on his own. And he relies on his sister Dagny Taggart to actually run the railroad, but nonetheless opposes her in almost every endeavor. With his character, his egoist attitude comes to the front. He is incapable, but not willing to accept it. His remarks to Dagny, who saves him from all his incorrect decisions are really idiotic. Had James been clever but incapable, he would have let Dagny do all the work for him without opposing her; and things would have been better for himself. He is a person who would ruin himself, to save his ego.

There are many people like James Taggart around us. But to be Howard Roark, it very difficult!

Convince a Fool

I read this somewhere: "The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way."
But I disagree.

If you let a fool behave like a fool, he will get back to you and say, "You are another fool, you agreed with me." So the fool is convinced that he is smarter than you.
But, if you argue with the fool, and if you argue like a wise man, you will be able to convince him that he is a fool.

Now, to argue with a fool what you require is a lot of confidence within you. Patience is a must. No place for politeness. Be shrewd. Be blunt - this is most efficient.
Most important, act wise. Give proofs. Reject all his ideas. Argue. Dont get angry, keep your patience maintained. It should be reflected in your voice, and you must smile. If not your composure, the fool will get irritated by your smile, thinking that you are mocking at him.
Give examples. Listen. Argue. Convince.

In the end, he will let you have your way. If the fool was not convinced that he really is a fool, atleast you will be content that the fool agreed with you and that you are smarter than him!

Still...

I feel I have lost my heart,
And still I can hear it beat...
There is silence all around,
And still I can hear a song sweet...

You aren't beside me,
And still you, I everywhere see...
You aren't talking just now,
But your voice is reaching me...

You aren't looking at me,
But I can still feel your glance...
I think about you quietly,
But I feel my heart dance...

You aren't sitting behind me,
But still I turn around to see you...
You aren't calling me,
But I go out to look for you...

I keep your thoughts aside for sometime,
And decide to work for a while...
But you come back in my thoughts,
And you quietly make me smile...

Din Hua Begin!

My day today started on an exciting note. This blog is to share today morning's happenings with you! :)

Getting up early morning is really challenging for me. Today when I got up at 6.30am, it was an accomplishment for me! Then, I was once again content, with the "lunch-dabba" that I prepared, which included one "raita" in addition to the "bhaaji". I also had time to have breakfast, before I ran to catch my bus at 8.15am.

Today was "palakhi day". Our office had revised the bus routes and timings. But unfortunately, they had sent a mail, after I had left office the previous day. I relied on a friend's comment that a different bus would be expected on my bus stop at 8.20am. So I was at the stop from 8.15am and I waited and waited and waited. But my bus did not come! :(

But then a PMT bus going to Hadapsar (thats where my office is) arrived. I was about to climb, but the conductor said that the bus will not go to Hadapsar, since all the roads there are blocked! I left the bus. Then another private bus came. I waved out my hand, and it stopped! I asked the driver which bus it was. He replied "Hadapsar"! "Wow, I thought... Wherever this bus is going, I can atleast reach Hadapsar"! When I got into the bus, I realised that it belonged to another company at Hadapsar! :)

So far so good. This bus now almost reaches the Solapur Road, which leads to Hadapsar. But then, there is diversion. The roads are blocked. The driver is confused. And he drives round and round. Even he doesnt know where we are going. But he doesnt lose hope. Nor did I! And then, after 30mins we land up somewhere on Solapur Road.

But hey! I have to get down here. This bus must go to its company. And I have to go in the opposite direction. So I get down.

And I look at this Solapur Road... On one side of the road, "warkaris" are walking. Huge number! The other half of the road, there is traffic jam. And there are giant wheels. And bangle-sellers, cheap plastic and metal items being sold, water puddles, humid heat of the monsoons, lots of people- all dressed in their best attire- they had come to see "palakhi" & enjoy the festive atmosphere!

What was not there on that half-road was, transport to reach my company which was about 5kms from there. Should I walk? No wait, I thought. I found a rick. But realised that the rick had moved only 0.5 km in 0.5 hrs! So I began walking!

I was so furious. The obvious choice of venting out anger on, was the travel-organisers at my office. I was cursing them, for I dont know what! Just when my anger was at its peak, I actually saw "Dnyaneshwar Palakhi". And I began to feel my anger subside!

I took palakhi-darshan. And then, once again with a content heart, I began to trod towards my office.

Soon I reached a point from where I could take a rick. In another 30mins, I was in my cubicle narrating today's "Din-Hua-Begin-Episode" to my colleagues! :)

The Void

I wrote this poem exactly 1 year back!

Floating in the vacuum...
Searching in the void...
Living in the present,
With emotions devoid.

I dont remember the past
I've forgotten its demise.
I dont worry about the future
I'm not waiting for any surprise.

Taking one moment at a time,
I'm living in the present.
I'm searching for something unknown,
In the hollow of each moment.

I'm just sailing with the time
Counting hours, couting days.
I am unable to comprehend
Destiny's bateful ways.

Silence

I read this article as a forward. I liked it a lot! So posting it for all of you to read. Its lovely! :)

Have you ever experienced a moment in your life when you just ran out of words and you go...
s i l e n t ???

Let me assist you in recalling...
.. the moment when you left your home for the first time and you look back at your parents who are worried that their son/daughter are leaving them yet happy that their child took the first step towards independence.

... the moment when the girl/boy you like most.. smiled back at you! You don't say anything.. you just smile back..

... the moment when you get better marks than you expected... those "numb" moments of ecstasy n surprise "is that true?"...

... the moment when you are parting with your old friend(s) and the train has just started... and you are standing on the door of the wagon.. waving "bye-bye" with your heart beating fast...

... the moment after the HR manager has just called you and told you,"You are through! Congrats!"

... the moment when you sit alone in your room after having told everyone that you cleared that exam you prepared for 6 months!!

You can go on remembering your "special" moments!

I had always wondered why I never said anything to myself at those moments.. as if it was "understood"... happiness, joy, pain.. all feelings just flowed ceaselessly in the 'years' that passed in those flash moments!

They say.. the best way to communicate is through "silence". Love. Joy. Grief. Surprise. Anger. Hope. Expectations. Support. Non-cooperation...

Can you imagine the importance of a silent moment in a song?? When Bryan Adams stops for a while along with music, before he goes on in his husky voice...
... Please forgive me. I can't stop loving you!

Ever had those moments when you thought you were tired enough that you reach for your bed after dinner.. but find yourself wide awake looking at the roof of your room silently...

But you sure are 'thinking'... those moments of self-talk are the most important in our lives. Those moments when we listen to our own hearts! Those promises... those decisions... those are the moments when we make our destinies!

Next time you go silent... listen carefully to what your heart is saying.. listen to its joy...listen to its pain.. listen to its fears.. listen to its desires..

Don't make it shut up and go off to sleep... LISTEN TO THAT VOICE and ACCEPT EVERYTHING IT SAYS! That voice alone can lead you to the abode of peace that your sleep lacks... peace that awaits you!

Be in touch with your true self... be silent once a day, every day !

A Right Decision

What is a "correct decision"? What is a "wrong decision"? Who has defined these terms?

I believe that the idea of being correct and being wrong varies drastically from person to person, from family to family, from one society to another, varies across religions, across countries.

Then how would you define what is a right decision and a wrong decision? What is your "right" way to take "right" decisions during challenging situations? Do you follows the rules of the society? Do you follow your instincts?

Have you ever wondered over the statement you read in history, "...and Buddha achieved enlightenment..." What enlightenment was this? Way back during those times, there was the need for people to stay in harmony with each other. They had to form a society which has certains principles and rules. All the leaders of each religion came up with norms and thoughts, which they spread across the people. They taught people how to distinguish between right and wrong. They had to teach people that "telling lies is incorrect", that "if you steal other's share you should be punished".

But the world is constantly changing. Today we have new set of problems. How do we tackle these issues? Do we always find definite answers to certain problems?

Have you ever thought about what you really want in life? Does it comply with the norms of the society? And what if your ideas do not match the definitions of "right" and "wrong" as defined by the society?
In such a case, you must listen to your heart and do what YOU feel is correct. As long as your intentions and your actions do not harm anyone else, or they do not clash with someone else's actions, you must follow your heart.

I believe that every person has the right to his life. As long as he is not disturbing someone else's right to life, he should proceed with his decisions...

The only constant factor in this world is CHANGE! A change is what we all desire. Dont you get bored by the same old routine? So will you, if you dont change the way your life proceeds. A change begins when you do something thats different. Listen to your heart. It will guide you and tell you how to take just the "right decision"! Break-free from the norms of the society. And follow your heart!

Feeling Lonely

What do you mean by feeling lonely?
Is it that, physically there is no one around you? There is no one to talk to, or to share some nice moments with? Or is it that, there are many people around you and yet you feel all alone?

Consider someone who has an outgoing nature. He makes a lot of friends. So when he "feels lonely", he can call just any of his friends. So logically, he will never feel lonely.
Consider someone who is an introvert. He likes to be by himself. He doesnt like being much with people. So why will he feel lonely? He will be content with himself.

And yet people talk that they feel lonely. They say loneliness haunts! Some even think about an abstract-someone and then they miss him!!

Is'nt feeling lonely all in the head? I believe, no one in this world is lonely. There is no feeling such as loneliness. What you actually get is the "missing-someone-syndrome". And because you miss someone, be it your best friend, your parents, or just anyone, you feel his empty place beside you. The situation is like- the person is in your heart, in your mind, but physically away from you. And you simply miss him.

Do you agree with me? Can I conclude: Feeling lonely is nothing but missing someone?

Rules Don't Work On Me

Dont you think everyone around you observes you, scrutinizes you? Dont you ever get get irritated by the inferences people draw from your actions? Well one day I did get irritated...!!

If my mood changed from sad to bright today
By listening to a romantic tune,
Don’t conclude that I love music.
This music can bring back nostalgia.

If I plucked a rose on my way daily,
Don’t say I am fond of roses.
Sometimes they prick me.

If I dropped a few pennies on the hands of a needy
When I saw his hungry face and tired eyes,
Don’t think I have a soft heart.
I can be very mean at times.

If I prayed to God daily
And thanked him for all that he has given me...
Don’t believe that I am His worshipper.
I also blame him for all my failures.

If your first assumption about me was correct
And so was the second.
Don’t assume you would always be right about me.
Rules don’t work on me.

Expressing Emotions

I came across an article by Amita Shah, a practicing psychotherapist, which inpired me to write the essay below.

We all are filled with various emotions at any point of time. It is important that we understand these emotions and act upon them.

It is important that we express our feelings. The expression of feelings is a search for understanding. If we suppress them, then they are not acted upon, and hence it may sometimes lead to out of control blow-ups, depression or irritation.

However if we express our feelings outright, then it may hurt the receiver. If you just shout at your colleague, or get wild with your friend, or talk harshly with your elders, definitely they will be disappointed with you.

You should accept your feelings, process them and then express them. The expression of your feelings should be conscious.

If you suppress your feelings, you disconnect with the power to create what you want in life. If you dwell in your emotions, you block the power to get what you want in life. Hence you must process your emotions: Processing your emotions means you feel, manage and release them and get what you want in life.

In order to express yourself correctly, you need to understand and manage your emotions. You need to work on the following 3 "personal competencies":
1) Self-Awareness: Knowing one’s internal states, preferences, resources, and intuitions.
2) Self-Regulation: Managing one’s internal states, impulses, and resources.
3) Motivation: Emotional tendencies that guide or facilitate reaching goals.

Also, when you express your emotions, you should think about the receiver of your emotions. You need to work on "social competencies":
1) Empathy: Awareness of others’ feelings, needs, and concerns.
2) Social Skills: Adeptness at inducing desirable responses in others.

Divisions

Once upon a time, when the world began, God created 2 divisions: "Male" and "Female". He divided all his creations in these 2 sections.

Then man developed wisdom. And he began creating several divisions.

He divided God and created religions. He divided religions and created castes. He decided some people are more priviledged than others. Man built societies and developed rules to stay in every society.

Let us consider one such section of people: the Indians. We have divisions based on caste, creed, sex, religions... and what not! I have a question here: Is'nt it important to give every division the right it deserves? Yes, I know you all will agree to this.

So someone comes up and puts forth the need for 49.5% reservations in some top shools in India. Reservations that are based on castes and creed.

I believe we should have 60% reservations in all fields. There should be 60% reservations in schools, colleges and offices... But this should be reserved to a different division of people- "The Economically Backward Class".

Think about today. And think about tomorrow. Do we really need divisions in our society based on "upper caste" and "lower caste"? Do we still live the life we lived some thousand years back?

The section of people who really need help today, are the economically backward people. Some of these people wish to study, but cant do so because of lack of finance. Some dont even realise the need for education. We talk about educating such people, right? Then why dont we give them enough resources for the same? Do this, and most of India's problems would be tackled...

Girivan

Have a look at some of my clicks on a trip to Girivan. Girivan is a private hill station near Mulshi.

Where flowers bloom, so does hope...!


Early bright morning, I step out of the house to see a beautiful 'Rangoli' drawn by Mr. Sun!


He is running behind the mountain... But I caught him with a click!


Hey, this is real, not fake...!
The pink sky,
The blue mountains,
The green trees,
And the silver, shining lake!

Beauty in simplicity... This is a playground at Girivan, bordered by "lolli-pop" trees, wrapped with mountains on all sides!

Imagination

I have written this poem long time back. It is one of my favorite poems. The poem describes how a "poem" was written during one of the lull periods in the day... But the effect of the poem, the satisfaction of expressing thoughts into lovely words, lasted only for a while. The last line of this poem suggests the need to keep your imagination, your creativity alive forever!


My heart was barren
It felt the sun's hot glare
It longed for colorful life
So i threw words into air.

The words rose like a song loud
With great pomp and band.
They fell as a soft whisper
Like the snowflakes on sand.

The white snow on the brown sand
Made the bells of joy ring
I was transported to another world
And a dreamy song i did sing.

But in no time, the snow melted
And it vanished with evaporation...
But it left behind dry patches
To be filled in by new imagination...

© Mukta Arankalle-Aphale

When Things Go Wrong

A nice, motivational poem, that I came across on a website.

When things go wrong as they sometimes will,
When the road you are trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh.

When care is pressing you down a bit,
Rest, if you must, but do not quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,
As everyone of us sometimes learns,
And many a failure turns about,
When he might have won had he stuck it out.

Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Success is failure turned inside out,
The silver tint of the clouds of doubt.

And you never can tell how close you are,
It may be near when it seems so far.
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

Drenched

It was my first Valentine’s Day after marriage. Its barely a month that I have been married... So I was really looking forward to a great day. Here’s an account of how we spent our day.

It was a typical day, where I had to get up and go for work. But we had planned a nice dinner in the evening. Atul had a *conference-call in the evening, so he was going to be late. Knowing all this, I decided to go home early & present Atul a surprise by making the house all tidy & clean. (Yes, that’s indeed a great gift to present to your spouse, especially when it’s just the two of you trying to clean the house day in and day out... There are so many chores to be done! I must mention here that my husband does help me with the daily chores!)

So I began tidying the house. I put this in place and put that in place. Cleaned this and cleaned that. Then finally I started the washing machine. There is some problem with our washing machine drainage and we usually direct the outlet to the bathroom, where it needs to be fixed properly as it’s a little clumsy and unstable. I ensured that I had done everything necessary and decided that that’s enough of work. So I sat with the laptop making playlists, listening to good music... And waiting for Atul, expecting a nice surprise from him.

Eventually I got bored of making the playlists and got out of the bedroom... And lo behold! The washing machine outlet had fallen and the entire house was submerged in water! There was water in the kitchen. There was water in the living room. Water, water, everywhere! And my mind stopped functioning completely. I was forcing myself to think, “Think Mukta, where to start cleaning? How to clean? What to do? Think Mukta, think”... And the doorbell rang. It was our neighbor. The water had flowed outside the house!! And my neighbor was worried if there was any problem. She saw me in that shocked state and offered help. But what could she do? I could not think of anyway she could help me. I felt like a flood-affected victim. Totally helpless!!

You would not believe what I started doing. I took a bucket, and started picking up the water on the floor with my hands and started filling the bucket. I thought, slowly and steadily I would succeed...

Again the doorbell rang. It was Atul standing at the door with a beautiful bouquet in his hands. And the song running on the laptop was “Nadiya kinaare...” It was an amusing scene.

The calm smile on my husband’s face, that bouquet, and that wishing “Happy Valentine’s Day” amidst a calamity, really helped me regain my senses! In 15 minutes we had cleared the house from the flood waters... We put the fans on high speed and were out for a wonderful dinner!

The dinner and the surprises: It made my day! It made up for the tragedy that I had created!

When I wiped the floors clean the following day, I noticed that the floor tiles were shining. All thanks to the soapy waters that was thrown out of the washing machine!
I thought, “All that happens, does happen for the good”. :)

*A typical “task” of a software engineer, most of the times: terribly boring!

Marriage

Getting married is such a big change in one's life! I got married to Atul on 11 Jan 2006. Everyday after 11th Jan is an adventure, a fun-filled wonder to me! :)

I am experiencing a miracle for the past one month. The entire world seems to have changed its course. My heart is filled with exhileration when I remember the aura, the ecstasy, the perfectness of my wedding day. The state of numbness that day, due to an all-time high level of happiness ever attained. That stimulating time in Goa... Nothing can ever alter the thrill of this hallowed occasion!

George Bernard Shaw described marriage as the time "when two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions. They are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part."

Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love; and they blossom when we love the ones we marry. Maybe it is difficult to maintain this love all throughout our lives. Today, however, I am not able to see anything that can lessen this love. We have already had some tiffs that opened our eyes wide! But it is through such tiffs that you get to know your spouse even better. It is when you fight, that you realise the worth of your friend... The depth in the relationship grows stronger.

"The middle years of marriage are the most crucial. In the early years, spouses want each other and in late years, they need each other." -Rebecca Tilly. I totally agree with the part of wanting & needing your partner. Within a month's time, both of us have started growing used to each other. There isnt a single thing that we dont do together! This has started increasing the dependency. I am so sure that in the late years, this need for each other will grow much more. At this moment though, I am unable to imagine the middle years, which people call as challenging...

I believe that the kind of marriage you make depends upon the kind of person you are. If you are a happy, well-adjusted person, the chances are your marriage will be a happy one. If you have made adjustments so far with more satisfaction than distress, you are likely to make your marriage and family adjustments satisfactorily. If you are discontented and bitter about your lot in life, you will have to change before you can expect to live happily ever after.

A Revolution

I watched "Rang De Basanti" last weekend. I loved the movie and the message that it conveyed made me write my thoughts on this topic.

The Republic day was over. That day I wondered "why are we celebrating this day?". What significance does this day have after 55+ years? What constitution are we talking about?
All day patriotic songs were played on Radio Mirchi. And I wondered what the "freedom fighters" had fought for. They had laid down their lives. And our Mother India got freedom. But freedom from what?

I just shrugged off my thoughts... What use it is to think of all this anyway? What difference is it going to make? But I got a holiday from office. That was all that pleased me.

And then I watched Rang De Basanti.

The movie too showed how we, common citizens, crib about all the problems in our country. But we are ready to do nothing. I liked the way Amir and Madhavan debated on this topic. Amir pointed out that we are unable to move ahead as we all are tied to our past. And yet we think about our future and are trying to run somewhere. He said:
"Humara ek paiir past mein hai, aur ek paiir future mein hai...
Isiliye hum aaj mein moot rahe hain!"
How true!
But what Madhavan replied was equally true. He said, "Everyone wants his home to be clean, tidy and perfect. But no one wants to dirty their hands to clean his house!"

And I agreed completely...

We crib that nothing seems to work correctly in India. We curse our systems and opt to run to the US. But the need of today is to wait here and clean the mess that we are in.
We can identify the problems. And we suggest solutions. What we dont do is, try to implement the solutions. Its difficult, I agree. But now we must fight. Fight like how our freedom-fighters fought. They gave up their lives for a cause. We also have a cause. "No country is perfect. We, the youth must come up and take efforts to make our country perfect", said Madhavan.

Our heros of the past cleaned our home for us. They told us "Kar chalein hum fida jaan aur tan saathiyon, ab tumhare hawalein vatan saathiyon". They have handed us the batons. Its our duty now to wake up and take firm steps to better our country.

Today we are more educated, have more exposure to media, have the mind and the right to express our thoughts, our opinions. The fight to clean India should not be as hard as it was before. Let us not wait for another Bhagatsingh to lay down his life to realise " the start of a revolution".

If you give me...

I have written this poem to inaugrate my blog!
It conveys simple feelings... But what makes this poem special is simply, feelings!

If you give me your love
I will cherish it.

If you give me a wound
I will forget it.

If you give me your word
I will keep it.

If you give me a smile
I will return it.

If you give me a brush
I will paint a rainbow.

If you give me a pen
I will write a poem.

If you give me your heart
I will tend it.

If you give me your dream
I will live it.